I almost hesitate to use words like 'control' and 'power' in relation to a problem like genital herpes, a problem that can affect people at both a physical and emotional level. This is particularly relevant where the word 'control' is concerned, because when we tell people to 'take control of themselves' we're often telling them to 'get a grip' because we don't like how they are behaving. And for the most part, in these situations, it's not the best advice to give and I'm certainly not telling anyone who has genital herpes to 'get a grip'.
Similarly, 'control' and 'power' are often battle words. When you are told to 'control yourself', your instinctive physical reaction is to stiffen your body - to hold everything in. This is unhealthy. Then there are controlling people who like to be in charge and who boss us around and who, for the most part, we don't really like. So we sometimes have a resistance to the word 'control'.
To get beyond this resistance, I need to make it very clear that I'm not talking about any of the above kinds of control - and I'm not talking about winning battles either. The kind of control that I'm talking about is the control that you use when you drive a car and kind of power that I'm talking about is the personal power/personal force that you use to stand your ground in the world.
So what has this got to do with genital herpes?
Well, it is widely agreed that once you have the herpes virus, you have it for life because it cannot yet be eradicated from the human body. Modern medicine cannot kill it. For most of us with genital herpes the challenge then comes to be around minimising the inconvenience that it causes in our lives.
My experience of herpes has taught me that the herpes virus can be extremely fickle. Whilst it might be very small and 'only a virus', it seems to know exactly when its' appearance is least welcome. Anecdotally, we know that someone who is prone to facial cold sores can almost guarantee that a sore will develop just before an important date when he or she would really like to look their best. And I have my own experience of this too when, a few years ago, I travelled for miles to meet a lover who I hadn't seen for ages. Out of nowhere, in the 12 hours before we were due to meet, a herpes sore developed. Now that was one date that didn't go to plan!
It's almost as if the herpes virus has a mind of its' own.
It was after my 'date that didn't go to plan' that I began to see herpes as being a bit like a bully. Bullies instinctively know the weak spots of their victims and they know how to reach them. And, having no social conscience at all, they have no hesitation in taking direct aim at the weak spots of their victims.
Taking the bullying analogy a little further, we all know that 'teaching the bully to behave' is less effective at removing the problem than attending to and eliminating your own weak spots. We all know that a bully will go away if you stand up to him or her.
And this is where we can begin to see the importance of 'taking control' and how being aware of the 'balance of power' can help you. The natural state of the herpes virus is that it is inactive and asleep in the nerves of your spine. If you are experiencing frequent outbreaks of herpes sores, particularly around situations that are important to you, then it can be helpful to look at it in terms of the balance of power: in these situations, the herpes virus is in control. Herpes has more power over your body than you have.
And believe it or not, you have given it that power. Just as a victim gives a bully power by unconsciously being a victim. You might not like to hear that - but you need to know it, because once you know this you know that you can begin to take the power back.
I can illustrate again from my own personal experience. Having had one date that didn't go to plan but with another one arranged to happen, I wasn't prepared to travel all those miles and arrange all that childcare for another 'date with herpes'. So, when I felt that first flicker of nervous anxiety, I told myself 'no, this is not going to happen'. I sat down and put my headphones on to listen to my meditation CD, repeating an affirmation about the perfect health of my body. It took a lot of focus and a lot determination - but it worked. There was no sore and my date went to plan!
By taking control, you are saying that you are in charge. It's not about being bossy or bossing others around and it's not about bullying either. It's about standing firmly in your own personal power and managing your health from within you.
When it comes to your life and your body, the balance of power lies with you and with you alone. We're not taught enough about the power that we have to control our own bodies and few of us know how to use it. It's a cultural thing - when we have something wrong with our bodies, we run to the Doctors, to the people we see as experts. Sometimes this is the right thing to do, but this habit is also costing us the ability to manage our own lives and our own bodies and turning many of us into unwitting victims of fear and the unknown.
Taking control and shifting the balance of power so that it lies with you is a very effective way to reduce herpes outbreaks drastically. Like me, you might even be able to eliminate them completely. And the beauty of this approach is that you improve other areas of your life too, because when you take control of your body you also take control of your life.
Written by Alison McVey
Alison McVey is a life coach and healer specialising in herpes and relationships. Her aim is to support those of you who are troubled by the negative experience of herpes, helping you to regain control of your life and your intimate relationships.
Find out more: www.herpesdatinghelp.com.
Common Skin Diseases of Children
Herpes simplex
Mat herpes
Ayurveda approach to Genital Herpes
Herpes gladiatorum
Herpes simplex virus and Homeopathic treatment
Living with Herpes
Herpes outbreaks and stress
Introduction of Syphilis from the New World
